You’d never have thought I would become a drug addict. Nice home in the countryside, kind family. I didn’t think I would either but it just sort of happened.
I actually hated drugs and druggy people but then at a party when I was 17 I got offered some weed and was a bit pissed so I just thought, ‘fuck it’.
That ‘fuck it’ fucked me up because I started to try other stuff over the years so I got to a point where I couldn’t have a good time if I wasn’t drinking and doing drugs, and the drugs got stronger and the days between using got closer and closer until it was every day.
When I was 21, one night I just lost it. I remember just crying for hours, all night I think. I had this feeling like I’d lost myself. It was really scary and a very low point. I had heard about twelve step recovery programmes for drugs and drink and even though I was really nervous I decided to go to a meeting.
Being around people who were the same as me really helped and still does. They get it and they get me. That meeting was a few years back now and I haven’t had a drink or drug since.
It’s hard, I had to walk away from some of my friends and get honest with myself. I now face up to my shit. Day to day I have to deal with stuff that life throws at me, life on life’s terms, but I actually want to. I can see that being clean, it’s like I’ve come back to myself again.