Growing up, people always described me as a worrier. When I was fifteen I had my first panic attack after an exam – I didn’t know what it was, I just knew that I couldn’t breathe. The next few years kind of passed in a blur of A levels and not really stopping to think about anything other than grades and exams.
University was where the problems properly started. Being away from home was fun, but I missed my family and pets and I had so much more time to myself as my degree wasn’t particularly intense. I started to notice the stress I would get before going anywhere, the anxiety going places on my own and doing such simple things would cause me. I would see people around me who could do all these simple things without trouble, and I felt so abnormal and different, which made me feel even worse. I had panic attacks over such small thing’s and I never felt at ease.
I was talking to a friend one day and she told me that I should talk to a doctor about the way I felt because it sounded like I had anxiety. I booked an appointment, and when my GP asked me what I’d come in for I burst into tears. After I’d managed to pull myself together enough to talk about how I felt, she diagnosed me with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD).
GAD is described by the NHS as, ‘a long-term condition that causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than one specific event. People with GAD feel anxious most days and often struggle to remember the last time they felt relaxed. As soon as one anxious thought is resolved, another may appear about a different issue. GAD is a common condition, estimated to affect up to 5% of the UK population.’
After talking through my options, I started medication. Since I was diagnosed I’ve been on multiple medications and had a variety of talking therapy. Some have been more useful than others, and overall my mental health has improved.
The main thing I’ve learnt in the last few years is that it is ok to feel the way I do, and there are lots of people who go through difficult experiences with mental health- I’m not abnormal. Mental health issues are valid and hard. And ask for help if you need it, it’s ok.
Ruth