I couldn’t wait to leave home for Uni, particularly the leaving home bit. Luckily, I was good at art so I could lean on that as my ticket to freedom. I was fostered at the age of 14 and although I am grateful to social services for rescuing me from a dysfunctional family and placing me into a good-intended Christian family, one set of rules were simply replaced by another, full of contradiction and narrow-mindedness, with total disregard as to how I felt as an individual which stifled my transition from childhood into adulthood. I was simply fed up with being told what I should be, how I should behave, all for the sake of outward appearances.
Two hundred miles away from that foster home I began enjoying life for the first time. I began finding my own morals, living life on my terms, not following a standard set by others. I felt like a rebel without a cause but was compelled to explore life in my own way regardless of who’s good manners I would upset.
In my first term I’d lost my virginity, caught an STD and consequently learnt that contraception isn’t only for avoiding early parenthood. I’d had no instruction from my varied home life about budgeting or how to cook but I did enjoy buying and wearing whatever clothes I wanted without having to explain myself.
I also felt emotionally immature when it came to loving and being loved and was envious of others because of the rich and fortunate lives they had already lived (or so I imagined).
For a long time, I found it difficult to give ‘permission’ to myself to let go and have fun. The occasional piss-up and smoke would help, but that wasn’t my desired route to finding happiness. I did not want to live a life of fleeting happy moments, as I sensed this would not amount to any long-term feeling of contentment.
From my numerous interactions with a great variety of people at Uni, I imagine that many are restricted by what others might say or think about them. I accept that ‘family’ can be a beautiful and safe sanctuary for some, but equally, it can be a bloody hinderance for others. That’s just my opinion.
I managed to survive the shortcomings of both my natural and fostered family life and fortunately found my own tribe amongst the good friends I have today. If I hadn’t taken the ‘independent’ route I’d still be stuck in the land of the mundane, obliged to live an unfulfilled life that’s not of my own making.
It seems I am a resilient person. I don’t always get it right. And like everyone else on this planet, I still make mistakes but hopefully not as often. But who’s perfect anyway?